I did end up doing substitute teaching, but there's not a lot of teaching involved in that.

I liked the koala, wallaby, and I chilled with a kangaroo a bit. There was a wombat that I quite enjoyed also

I used to write things out beforehand. But sometimes it backfires

I once sat next to Jim from Wild Kingdom on a flight from Atlanta. I find mentioning that opens a lot of doors.

People in New York love having roof parties.

I do not like sports, unless you consider treating all humankind with love and respect a sport.

I like pens. My writing is so amazing there's never a need to erase

I'd rather send out a mass email then hang posters all over the place

My sister sometimes does a Todd Barry tribute act.

I don't know any astronauts. There are a lot of people who say they want to be comedians.

You come there and hang out and have a drink before the show and eat, so it's not that brutal. It's only $6.

Is there any friendship, without forgiveness?

Travel is the best teacher. The only way to an open mind is by taking a plane out into the open world.

You have within you right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.

The more personal you get, the more universal a story you end up telling.

Against stupidity, God Himself fights in vain.

I've been accused of deliberately hamming up my accent and dropping letters, but that's just how I speak - I used to be a chav.

Reliability engineers often assume that reliability and safety are synonymous, but this assumption is true only in special cases.

In America there's no rights for the artist, so whatever films I've made kind of belong to the studio.

They wrongly believe that good intentions move mountains. Bulldozers move mountains. But there are exceptions.

I get a great high from writing.