I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.

If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a party.

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

You can't fix stupid. There's not a pill you can take, or a class you can go to.

You can't fix stupid.

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.

I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.

In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it. That's right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!

I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn't care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.

The map of what we call reality is an ever-shifting mosaic of ideas.

It is so hard to stay afloat in a world that just wants to drown you.

The only person I really wanted to talk to about Augustus Waters' death was Augustus Waters.

The Pledge of Allegiance says 'liberty and justice for all'. Which part of 'all' don't you understand?

The world is so closed off to the inner beings of ourselves, I refuse to ever lower my energies to that.

I still hung onto the hope that my broken knight would gallop back into my life and sweep me off my feet.

My internal and external life depend so much on the work of others that I must make an extreme effort to give as much as I receive.

For us to maintain our way of living, we must tell lies to each other and especially to ourselves. The lies are necessary because, without them, many deplorable acts would become impossibilities.

When two great saints meet, it's a humbling experience.

Nothing has tended more to retard the advancement of science than the disposition in vulgar minds to vilify what they cannot comprehend.