I did not know it was possible to be so miserable and live but I am told that this is a common experience.

Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.

I should like to bury something precious in every place where I've been happy and then, when I'm old and ugly and miserable, I could come back and dig it up and remember.

One forgets words as one forgets names. One's vocabulary needs constant fertilizing or it will die.

I have lived carefully, sheltered myself from the cold winds, eaten moderately of what was in season, drunk fine claret, slept in my own sheets; I shall live long.

The truth is that Oxford is simply a very beautiful city in which it is convenient to segregate a certain number of the young of the nation while they are growing up.

Your actions, and your action alone, determines your worth.

He was gifted with the sly, sharp instinct for self-preservation that passes for wisdom among the rich.

Beer commercials are so patriotic: Made the American Way. What does that have to do with America? Is that what America stands for? Feeling sluggish and urinating frequently?

Sometimes, I feel the past and the future pressing so hard on either side that there's no room for the present at all.

Wine is a bride who brings a great dowry to the man who woos her persistently and gracefully.

In order to live in the reality of your God's given destiny, you must consistently guard your mind against all self-defeating thoughts.

:...For animals and birds are like people, too, though they do not talk the same or do the same things. Without them the earth would be an unhappy place.

You weren't using the moon for anything. Only some long-term robot storage.

I think up until the point when we started in the business, which was in the early 70s, most of the humor was political. The smart humor was political satire.

I have always felt comfortable tapping into my inner idiot.

Progress is the exploration of our own error.

Whenever you have to deal with a boy who is a rebel, remember that you must not fail at some time or other to get him to face the question, Are you going to be a fighter or a quarreller?

Playing a three-hour Rush show is like running a marathon while solving equations.

To foreswear romantic love forever. To never grow up, never get married. To be maiden eternally.

Trying to say something is all you got in life.