I didn't know about the rest of the class, but when Bastille Day eventually rolled around, I planned to stay home and clean my oven.

The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.

A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at.

There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows.

All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is said and done the police are right: it all comes down to fingerprints.

Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you.

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.

Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.

A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit.

Boredom is the dream bird that hatches the egg of experience. A rustling in the leaves drives him away.

Boomerang arrow, Kate -- It comes back to you in the end. Boomerang. Respect it.

Oh I'm so inadequate. And I love myself!

Resources are not taken from nature, but created from nature.

I’m rollin’ with Satan, not Jesus Christ. I’m the only son of the devil.

The way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life.

I've been lucky to have a beautiful wife and children. The idea that something so beautiful can be so horrific at the same time. Beauty is a complex thing.

Halloween is a liberal holiday because we're teaching our children to beg for something for free. … We're teaching kids to knock on other people's doors and ask for a handout.

During the first period of a man's life the greatest danger is not to take the risk.

Kosovo is Serbian, only if my mother is a Virgin