I didn't know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it's a musical.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

It was nice meeting you three, and I'm sure under different circumstances it would have been a pleasure.

Your bone shall remainYour flesh shall remain Your spirit shall remain

Work, he said, was a first-rate medicine for any illness.

There is nothing more fearful for the average person in our society than to stand before a group of people and speak.

Setting aside labels, I am somebody who believes that government in a democratic society should be representing the needs of the vast majority of the people who are middle-class and working families.

A woman has just as much right in this world as a man and can get along in it just as well if she puts her mind to it.

All it takes is one teacher - just one - to save us from ourselves and make us forget all the others.

Music, when turned to a good account, is a blessing. When abused, it leads the unconsecrated to pride, vanity, and folly, and becomes one of Satan 's most attractive agencies to ensnare souls.

He made his life a lie so he might never have to know anyone.

Heaven is all around, Translated to sound.