I didn't lie, I was writing fiction with my mouth.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

When you've found another soul who see's in to your own...take good care of each other..and remember to be kind..

And if you do see any pirates, I don't want you to pick up any rough manners from them. Do you understand?

Memory is the thing you forget with.

One's task is not to turn the world upside down, but to do what is necessary at the given place and with a due consideration of reality.

I still get to preach 14, 15 times a year. But you have to make a living.

There was a period when I stopped talking so much, because I was just going through certain things. I just did the gigs and just stayed in, tried to stay away.

She wondered if this was true of every parent: if, prior to having children, they all used to be someone else.

Remember that the sole life which a man can lose is that which he is living at the moment.

Don't worry about things that you have no control over, because you have no control over them. Don't worry about things that you have control over, because you have control over them.

I guess my approach to adapting books is to treat them with a deep respect on one level and at another level part them to one side and go, 'I'm doing something completely different here.'