I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

Funny how the most beautiful people in the world aren't always the types to gloss the covers of magazines and yet most people spend their lives trying to turn heads.

It's OK to have your eggs in one basket as long as you control what happens to that basket.

I liked the fact she understood how we all have little secret habits that seem normal enough to us, but which we know better than to mention out loud.

A boat is the hardest think I know of to put into perspective. It is so much like a human figure, there is something alive about it.

Let not him that feares feathers come among wild-foule.

Studios look backward. Filmmakers look forward.

I think many writers really believe that being published is a traumatic experience.

To say a compliment well is a high art and few possess it.

I don't shoot many corporate or commercial jobs, but when you do, you had better have someone helping who has done it before.

Affliction's sons are brothers in distress; A brother to relieve, how exquisite the bliss!