I do a lot of different things, sometimes at the same time, and it's very difficult to figure out where I fit.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

... I grant you that anyone who pokes around in history long enough may well go mad.

You can not have peace with just feelings. It comes only about by prayer and being on the journey. Like the wise men, find your peace this Christmas.

You stole it from the master.""Who stole it from me. What I did simply set the universe back in order.

I like the Rolling Stones for karaoke. 'Sympathy For The Devil' is a great one.

A miracle is changing someone's life. Freeing them from whatever bonds them. Giving them the gift of being able to live the way they dream of living.

Then, everlasting Love , restrain thy will; 'Tis god -like to have power, but not to kill.

Thomas Hauser respects boxing and boxers. He gives readers insight into what happens in and out of the ring. Everything he writes is fair-minded and reality-based with a human touch.

The criminal classes are so close to us that even the policemen can see them.

At the moment I sin, I desire the sin more than I desire to please God.

I'm hungry. I want the ball. That's the feeling you want. When you get that feeling, you can't be stopped.