I do a lot of family shows.

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.

I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.

Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot."

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together.

I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.

Be a dreamer.Be a doer.Be a perseverer.Be a winner.

Most of these alternative arrangements, so-called, arise out of the ruins of marriages, not as an improvement of old fashioned marriage.

The only real game, I think, in the world is baseball.

The thing about the internet is we take everything too far. Once something becomes "popular" in our realm, it's everywhere, and I get sick of hearing about it quickly.

Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.

Good wine needs no bush; a jug is the thing.

As soon as we identify ourselves with the work we do, we feel miserable; but if we do not identify ourselves with it, we do not feel that misery.

I've never written an original piece for film; all the original things I've done are for the stage.

Friendship flourishes at the fountain of forgiveness.

All truth is precious, if not all divine; and what dilates the powers must needs refine.