I do know that the best way to make a mediocre movie is to just transcribe the book.

Once I got home, I sulked for a while. All my brilliant plans foiled by thermodynamics. Damn you, Entropy!

Duct tape works anywhere. Duct tape is magic and should be worshiped.

Astronauts are inherently insane. And really noble.

How come Aquaman can control whales? They’re mammals! Makes no sense.

Problem is (follow me closely here, the science is pretty complicated), if I cut a hole in the Hab, the air won't stay inside anymore.

Everything went great right up to the explosion.

I started the day with some nothin’ tea. Nothin’ tea is easy to make. First, get some hot water, then add nothin’.

As with most of life's problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation.

If ruining the only religious icon I have leaves me vulnerable to Martian vampires, I'll have to risk it.

Actually, I was the very lowest ranked member of the crew. I would only be “in command” if I were the only remaining person.”What do you know? I’m in command

Curiosity is the hunger of the mind.

And the beauty of a woman, with passing years only grows!

Could Congress really do its work if it held its sessions by teleconferencing? Could the Supreme Court? Nothing can replace the spark of intelligence that travels from person to person at meetings.

I'm not the guy whose gonna shoot 10,000 free-throws until I'm Michael Jordan - and it did happen kind of accidentally that I said, "Okay, yeah, I'll try singing."

Barbarism is needed every four or five hundred years to bring the world back to life. Otherwise it would die of civilization.

Prayer is the fruit of joy and thankfulness.

Those years between drama school and getting onto the stand-up circuit were pretty lean.

Self carries grief as a pack mule carries the side bags, being careful between the trees to leave extra room.

Been sitting at home all weekend writing for MTV Movie Awards - unfortunately MTV won't let me do my strip routine ala Magic Mike.

Despotism is a long crime.