I do lots of crowd work in my set, because I enjoy writing material through riffing and conversation.

We're not in an information age anymore. We're in the information management age.

Nerds get caught up in minutiae, because there is a tremendous and fulfilling sense of control in understanding every single detail of a thing more than any other living creature.

Bowling is all physics and energy distribution. It's F = ma. So it is actually one of the most science-y sports, because it literally is just a ball and a surface and objects to knock down.

When you hang around a lot of comedians long enough, you realize there's a certain gene, in every comedian. It's why we get hyper-analytical about things.

I do seem like the kind of guy who'd be obsessive about Rubik's Cubes.

No matter what tricks you use or what decisions you make, go easy on yourself as someone who's on a never-ending quest for improvement.

Steal moments of happiness if you have to, and then collect them until they are the dominant images in your psyche.

I almost think of nerd brains as rattlesnake venom; like, you can milk it. You can milk the pulpy venom out of the nerd brain and use it for good if you want to.

Humans cannot produce viable offspring with our closest animal cousin: the chimpanzee. We cannot impregnate a chimp. So you know what that means? No condoms.

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult.

And humility in politics means accepting that one party doesn't have all the answers recognising that working in partnership is progress not treachery.

The elections in Iraq are a victory for freedom and the Iraqi people, and a blow to the transnational network of terrorists who have tried to prevent this day from happening.

Herbalife: the customers are fictitious, the business opportunity is a scam, the university degree is a fraud.

From my experience, honey, if he seems too good to be true—he probably is.

Is there a more mysterious idea than to imagine how nature is reflected in the eyes of animals?

If white privilege is a thing, why are people working so hard to be black? All of the award shows and cultural events favor black culture.

If you can eat sawdust without butter, you can be a success in the law.

If Pakistan feels Indian positions are pre-conditions, then there will be no talks.

A major fault, for example, is the fact that, along with the materialist principle, Darwin introduced into his theory of evolution reactionary Malthusian ideas.

We have a limit, a very discouraging, humiliating limit: death.