I do not believe in an afterlife although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

To you, I'm an atheist.To God, I'm the loyal opposition.

God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.

You'll never be as OK with the thought of dying as you are in the moments when you know that you are truly living

Learning must be like a house with its door always wide open

God love's in the dark.

It’s important to know that you're behind, to be able to convince yourself to make sacrifices that get you ahead.

What before seemed a...frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all.

Folks, Russia is perhaps the second most powerful nuclear country in the world. If you don't have dialogue, you have to be fools.

Love is like infinity: You can't have more or less infinity, and you can't compare two things to see if they're "equally infinite." Infinity just is, and that's the way I think love is, too.

We're not handling things anymore before they arrive on our doorstep. I like to feel how thin porcelain can be, run my hand over a textile, see if I want to sit in a chair.

Millions of people are falling out of the middle class into the ranks of the poor.

I always tried to do the best for my kid.