I do not live in the world of sobriety.

I don't have a drink problem. But if that was the case and doctors told me I had to stop, I'd like to think that I would be brave enough to drink myself into the grave.

I have two ambitions in life: one is to drink every pub dry, the other is to sleep with every woman on earth.

I'm not a villain, I've never hurt anyone. I'm just a tawdry character who explodes now and again.

Do what you must, but do it well, above all enjoy yourself!

You get so weak from eating pears that you fall down, and then they come and take you away on a stretcher.

There is, of course, a world of difference between cricket and the movie business ... I suppose doing a love scene with Racquel Welch roughly corresponds to scoring a century be fore lunch.

I have made many serious statements - I just can't remember any of them. I guess they mustn't have been very important.

I do think a carpenter needs a good hammer to bang in the nail.

If the money's right, I'll do a film.

At the New York Athletic Club they serve amazing food. People go there, get healthy, and then eat themselves to death - which is, I suppose, the right way to do it.

Love is the stimulation for the creation. If there is no love, there is no humanity.

Damn you’ve got an irresistible mouth. You should hold it against me more often.” ~Luke, Kissing the Maid of Honor

There is a lot more in him than you guess, and a deal more than he has any idea of himself. You may (possibly) all live to thank me yet.

God is everyone's pleasure and also a prejudice!

Frauds master our minds; magicians, like poets and lovers, engage them in a permanent maze of possibilities.

I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.

You know, this is what I've always thought a college should look like.

My task is becoming more and more delicate, while the difficulties increase constantly.

Man recognizes that he will not die, only when he recognizes that he was never born, but always has been, is, and will be.

There is no such thing as a heterosexual male, only men who haven't met Oscar Wilde yet.