I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

How terrible, " said Eragon, "to die alone, separate even from the one who is closest to

Poetry is not an issue of form and enjambments. Poetry, as the word is classically used, has to do with sound and sense. It can be rhyme. It can be rhythm, pace, breath.

Some men are just as sure of the truth of their opinions as are others of what they know.

He listens well who takes notes.

Experience is the thing of supreme value".

My basic advise is don't lose money

I had an economic system imposed on me.

I think all of our ministers are relatively inexperienced. I'm relatively inexperienced. We're a six-month-old government.

I'm going to a commune in Vermont and will deal with no unit of time shorter than a season.

The sense of death is most in apprehension, And the poor beetle, that we tread upon, In corporal sufferance finds a pang as great As when a giant dies.