I do note with interest that old women in my books become young women on the covers... this is discrimination against the chronologically gifted.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

WAKE UP NOW...You will become a history one day...Even if you are most important, most powerful, most wanted or most influential individual on the planet. THAT’S IT!

Be more concerned about what's right rather than who's right.

Sometimes, when something really great happens to me, I like to wait two weeks before I tell anyone about it, because I like to use the word 'fortnight'.

For all your days be prepared, and meet them ever alike. When you are the anvil, bear - when you are the hammer, strike.

You can trust a Neil Simon script. Every dot. Every dash; that pause means something. He takes all the jokes out, practically.

Bottom line, wasn’t life itself a special occasion?

If you are not extreme, then people will take shortcuts because they don't fear you.

Even if you slept with every man on Earth, my love will still survive.

Failure to me became not trying versus not succeeding

I start work around 8 a.m. and usually finish around noon. If there's more to do, I do it in the late afternoon, although that isn't prime time for me.