I do realise that when I laugh, it sounds like a seal is being molested.

Say what you want about the deaf.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?

Mary Queen of Scots was my first love, and that is always something special.

Don't teach talent that isn't there.

I read three books a week.

The pressure of survival in the big city will make you lose sight of your dream … Hang in there.

Christlike love is the greatest need we have on this planet

Maintaining joy in God takes 'work'; that is, it's a fight against every impulse for alien joys and every obstacle in the way to seeing and savoring Christ.

Every genuine test of a theory is an attempt to falsify it, or to refute it.

Ultimately a life message shouts more clearly and loudly than a brand message. Your image may communicate an outward brand, but your life shouts the real inner message.

Islam has no problem with women, but Muslims do clearly appear to have serious problems with them

Very interested in any technology that can help create a safer and more secure America.