I do think about marriage, but it's not the end-all goal.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Laughter isn't a sign of insanity but a shield against it.

Had (President) Kennedy turned to his advisers and wailed, "What can we beat the Russians at?" and if someone had cried "Backgammon!" at that point, Apollo would never have happened.

When it's time to pull and tuck, I'm sure I will consider it.

Our emotions are PURE, our logic is KORRUPT

Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.

As one who has often felt this need, and who has found refreshment in wild places, I attest to the recreational value of wilderness.

Establishment women just get mad. Activists change the laws.

Love is the best medicine.

Humanity is lost because people have abandoned using their conscience as their compass.