I don't approve of political jokes; I have seen too many of them get elected.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

I can only be me not thee, as far as the eyes can see!

If you truly believe in something, that is, if you care enough about it to not just dream about it, but to do something about it, your belief will bring it to you.

A giant motherboard of geese, unruffled by the statepolice, swarmed in unison, in harmony...

It is because of the hasty and superficial conversation with God that the sense of sin is so weak and that no motives have power to help you to hate and flee from sin as you should.

Be attentive, feel nothing in vain, measure and compare: this is the whole law of philosophy.

The greatest gift you can give your children is to believe in them.

Inquiry is more important than answers, for it is the questions we ask and the way in which we ask them that defines us.

You do things and do things and nobody really has a clue.

I never deprive myself. If I'm craving something once a week, then Ill go have it Ice cream or whatever, I just eat the foods I like.

anyway. Leo said, I hope you've got your worksheet, 'cause I used mine for spit wads days ago. Why are you looking at me like that? Somebody draw on my face again?