I don't believe in anything you have to believe in.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

My favorite animal is steak.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

You see, in this country are a number of youths who do not like to work, and the college is an excellent place for them.

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.

Public Schools too often fail because they are shielded from the very force that improves performance and sparks innovation in nearly every other human enterprise - competition.

For awhile, I got stupid about only wanting a leading-man role, but I have no illusions. I know I'm not Brad Pitt.

I don’t mind being alone either. The only problem is that if you’re always alone, you get lonely.

I’m going to pass a law that no one can ask me my golf score.

You prove your worth with your actions, not with your mouth.

I believe in dancing.