I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

Nothing has to be funny, sometimes I just laugh to unclog my soul.

Of all animals the boy is the most unmanageable.

Happiness is a by-product of helping others.

Every solution has a problem.

They had a... dog called Bluey. A know psychopath, Bluey would attack himself if nothing else was available.

If you ever feel so happy you land in jail, I'm your bail.

Peace must begin within self before there can come action or self application in a way to bring peace-even in thine own household, in thine own vicinity, in thine own state or nation.

That is my story, simply told. Please do not ask again. I have told you in order to issue a warning. I have been damaged. Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.

Friendship, peculiar boon of Heaven, The noble mind's delight and pride, To men and angels only given, To all the lower world denied.

Your number one skill as a leader is the ability to influence