I don't believe in the very concept of "first thing in the morning." I'm a "third thing in the afternoon" fellow.

We always ask where the time went. We never ask where it's coming from.

I’ll feel that horrible feeling in my stomach you get when you’ve gone over to the Dark Side. But I’ll be fine. That’s the good thing about the Dark Side. Eventually, your eyes adjust.

Genius flames and dies, but amiable competence can live forever.

The newspaper is a lecture. The Web is a conversation.

Calculus destroys self-esteem on contact.

If Mother had to be told not to shove the entire brick of Ivory up Junior's hindquarters, constipation is the least of his problems.

There are three stages to a man's life. 1. He laughs at Clark Griswold. 2. He sympathizes deeply with Clark Griswold. 3. He laughs at Clark Griswold.

All you need to know about Arafat was that he insisted on wearing a pistol when he addressed the UN General Assembly. And all you need to know about the UN, I suppose, is that they let him.

I want to believe in intelligent design, and hence I am suspicious of anything that seems to confirm my desire to believe.

When your opponent sets up a straw man, set it on fire and kick the cinders around the stage. Don't worry about losing the Strawperson- American community vote.

Faith is a fortune.

There is no reason to celebrate if God does not provide the victory

Unusual doors often take you to the unusual worlds!

There's a moment when all you are is all you are.

You get committed with what you put in songs. It made me wary of who and what I include, because that's there forever.

Many shining actions owe their success to chance, though the general or statesman receive the applause.

No idle word should be uttered. I understand a word to be idle when it serves no good purpose, either for myself or for another, and was not intended to do so.

The "third arrow" (of structural reform) is critically important. Japan has some of the best companies in the world, and if you look at their technology, their capability, it's extraordinary.

You've got to capture an audience. You don't go out there and just sing, or just play. If you can't capture an audience, you might as well not be out there.

We need to learn how to love each other. If we cannot do that, then we need to learn to respect one another. If we can't manage to do that, then we must learn to tolerate each other.