I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

If one billion of you watch and do not intercede as one million of you assent to the one thousand who participate in the murder of a child, then one billion of you are a billion times guilty.

I'd like a glass of cold gravy with a hair in it, please.

The one nice thing about doing a character for a long time is, you begin to feel more comfortable, and you are thinking less and behaving more.

There is no difference between acute schizophrenia and a world at war.

I boxed through college and I played college level football. I was a linebacker.

I like to work half a day. I don't care if it is the first 12 hours or the second 12 hours.

Violence is bound sooner or later to exhaust itself but peace cannot issue out of such exhaustion.

Acting: An art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing.

Dreams are difficult to build and easy to destroy.

I don't want to achieve less than my mum and dad.