I don't care how unkind the things people say about me so long as they don't say them to my face.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes.

My mother? My own mother told my lady governess that if the baby and I were in danger then they should save the baby.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

At the end of the day, give up your worries and give thanks for the journey.

The barrier to change is not too little caring; it is too much complexity.

Create a website that expresses something about who you are that won't fit into the template available to you on a social networking site.

Sweet,” he whispered, and stole a kiss from her lips. “Sweet… let me stay with you a little longer.” -Jack to Amanda

Jewish men don't know anything.

The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed, and this without any qualification as to their condition or degree, as is the case in the British government.

I don't think I'm that much different from any other working actor that's trying to make a living.