I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

The door on which we have been knocking all our lives will open at last.

I'm a sensualist. My two main indulgences are dark chocolate and massages.

Anything can have happened in Oklahoma. Practically everything has.

Research must continue to be the centerpiece of intellectual life, and our commitment to research must grow, because our problems are growing.

I've spent my life alone in a room with a typewriter.

In a sense, terrorism blossomed in the advent of television. Television promotes terrorism in religion and in politics.

Having a white parent undoubtedly makes for a different childhood experience than having two black parents.

Somebody once said it's the SOUL that matters

As in Athens, the right to participate was restricted to men, just as it was also in all later democracies and republics until the twentieth century.

When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.