I don't care where I sit, as long as I get fed.

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

Many Texas barbecue fanatics have a strong belief in the beneficial properties of accumulated grease.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

The shelf life of the average trade book is somewhere between milk and yogurt.

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

Perhaps we've time to have a look at the Number Thirty-One bus queue before we turn in.

I'm in favor of liberalizing immigration because of the effect it would have on restaurants. I'd let just about everybody in except the English.

Every good idea sooner or later degenerates into hard work.

Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions.

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

God is the reason I’m surviving, but he’s sure used you in my life wonderfully. I love you.

All social life, stability, progress, depend upon each man's confidence in his neighbor, a reliance upon him to do his duty.

I tried to push him away with my head. I apologise to everyone. I should not have got involved in it.

My children were all made from paper and printer's ink.

Try to be transparent, clear and truthful. Even when it is difficult, and above all when it is difficult.

Moments fly, memories remain; and then memories fly, only memoirs remain and finally memoirs disappear, nothing remains!

If a bill to ban handguns came to the house floor, I would vote for it.

Tempus fugit (time flies).

When considering a man's motives, remember you must not measure his wheat with your bushel. He may not be using the same standard at all.

Meditation and prayer are my secret weapons, and when I use them, I can move mountains.