I don't care who you are. When you sit down to write the first page of your screenplay, in your head, you're also writing your Oscar acceptance speech.

Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

I am continually fascinated at the difficulty intelligent people have in distinguishing what is controversial from what is merely offensive.

Summer bachelors, like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be.

If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters.

My mother wanted us to understand that the tragedies of your life one day have the potential to be comic stories the next.

Marriages come and go, but divorce is forever.

Some people pretend to like capers, but the truth is that any dish that tastes good with capers in it tastes even better with capers not in it.

That [photographs] disturb readers is exactly as it should be: that's why photojournalism is often more powerful than written journalism.

If you're looking for monogamy, you'd better marry a swan.

Life's too awesome to waste your time thinking about someone who doesn't treat you right.

I used to be an atheist until I realized that I was God.

The state itself becomes more and more identified with the interests of those who run things than with the interests of the people in general.

Good company will always be found much less expensive than bad.

Indeed, I have, alas! outlived almost every one of my contemporaries. One pays dear for living long.

Opinion is ultimately determined by the feelings, and not by the intellect.

Take every gain without showing remorse about missed profits, because an eel may escape sooner than you think.

My main thing is I'm gonna go out there every night and give it all I got and just try to put on the best show I can. That's just the way I'm programmed and wired.

A pie in the face is funny. Comedy gold.

Once a person is determined to help themselves, there is nothing that can stop them.