I don't categorize myself. I don't think I'm perceived as a female act by my audience. My fans include just as many men as women.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.

Tomorrow will be a better day, we shall be safe ...only if we are safe today to reach tomorrow, things would change with a brighter light.

God gives strength to the weak souls.

When I feel like I'm doing my best work, there is a bit of a freedom, a bit of flight that you're not so much losing yourself but you're sort of in the zone.

I'm a huge fan of Brad Pitt. He could have done rom-coms his entire career, but he took it in a different direction.

I was regularly advised not to go into music, that I should give up that foolish dream.

There's a great place to go when you're broke--to work!

Repeat, over and over again, in case anyone forgets it or believes the contrary, that we do not live in the best of all possible worlds.

Teach a child good manners during babyhood.

I don't think there is a good reason for an abortion, but Dr. Jasper made me really realize it was just a racket. He was just doing it for the money. He didn't care about the women.

A successful author is equally in danger of the diminution of his fame, whether he continues or ceases to write.