I don't cook. I don't know anything about food. I've never reviewed a restaurant.

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

Many Texas barbecue fanatics have a strong belief in the beneficial properties of accumulated grease.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

The shelf life of the average trade book is somewhere between milk and yogurt.

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

Perhaps we've time to have a look at the Number Thirty-One bus queue before we turn in.

I'm in favor of liberalizing immigration because of the effect it would have on restaurants. I'd let just about everybody in except the English.

Every good idea sooner or later degenerates into hard work.

Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions.

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and women their happiness.

Every discovery in pure science is potentially subversive

It was so easy to be wise in the explanation of an experience one has not personally witnessed.("The Wendigo")

Laws are the spider's webs which if anything small falls into them they ensnare it but large things break through and escape.

The Christian's whole desire, at its best and highest, is that Jesus Christ be praised. It is always a wretched bastardization of our goals when we want to win glory for ourselves instead of for him.

It would be hard to conceive of any activity more useless than stamp collecting.

We now no longer camp as for a night, but have settled down on earth and forgotten heaven.

I'm not going to throw my state under the bus. That's never going to happen.

Humans have a habit of running faster when they have lost their way.

Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to bed with Martin Luther.