I don't cook... I don't know how to clean... there's may be a good chance I'm an alcoholic.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Some pain has no relief, it can only be sealed You can grasp the wound to feel the scar unhealed.

Every time you go to see Hamlet you don't expect it to have a happy ending...you're still enthralled.(Interview BBC Radio 4 Today 17 October 2012.)

Alcoholism or addiction is a disease because it fits the definition of disease. It is progressive and chronic, and left untreated, it will kill.

anyone can be strong

You’re young and you have all your life ahead of you.

I believe in God, and I trust myself in His hands.

The most prosaic of us betray a belief in the inward life every time we talk about 'my body' rather than 'I.

On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'

I've never been outside Heathrow so it will be exciting to see what London has to offer. I think I've only flown into Heathrow maybe twice.

Life for the majority of the population. Is an unlovely struggle against unfair odds. Culminating in a cheap funeral.