I don't curse on stage, but I feel like I curse more because I have kids and in front of my kids. Not intentionally.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Beauty and desire to possess have driven men mad for centuries.

From you I can learn things that nobody knows.

Don’t think innovation, think usefulness.

I have learned to have more faith in the scientist than he does in himself.

The truth is that the government cannot give if it does not take from somebody...It is not in the power of the government to make everybody more prosperous.

I am a monarch of God's creation, and you reptiles of the earth dare not oppose me. I render an account of my government to none save God and Jesus Christ.

My grandfather was the first feminist in my life. He taught me if a woman can do something, a man will respect her.

What a heap of ash most political careers amount to, when one really stops to consider them!

Love is that flame that once kindled burns everything, and only the mystery and the journey remain.

Poetry must be human. If it is not human, it is not poetry.