I don't date women my age. There aren't any.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

If only these walls could talk…the world would know just how hard it is to tell the truth in a story in which everyone’s a liar.

I don't buy dreams, i buy actions

Every time we feel satisfied with what we have, we can be counted as rich, however little we may actually possess.

I've always been confident with who I was, but my twenties were hard. I had to learn a lot of life lessons and I think my thirties will be a little easier because of all the wrong turns I took.

Art is not cozy and it is not mocked. Art tells the only truth that ultimately matters. It is the light by which human things can be mended. And after art there is, let me assure you all, nothing.

The stuff I do and say onstage I can do easily. As a performer, that comes easily. But being social offstage, it's not easy for me.

Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.

I talk about very serious human affairs but with a lightness of heart.

Hydrodynamics procreated complex analysis, partial differential equations, Lie groups and algebra theory, cohomology theory and scientific computing.

Only by restoring the broken connections can we be healed. Connection is health.