I don't deserve this but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.

A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.

Yes, he said, taking her hand. And now I think I finally understand that old expression - a sight for sore eyes.

I don't think there is a musician today that hasn't been affected by Elvis' music. His definitive years - 1954-57 - can only be described as rock's cornerstone. He was the original cool.

I can go for a week without a guitar, but it's not even funny if I don't get to surf for a month.

The discipline required for athletics carried through to writing. You call it obsession. I call it discipline. By the way, I see nothing wrong with that.

How far the existence of the Academy has influenced French literature, either for good or for evil, is an extremely dubious question.

Marketing is neither good nor evil.

Zakhor. Al Tichkah. Remember. Never forget.

Life is nothing but a mirror of your consistent thoughts.

The habit of pleasing by flattery makes a language soft; the fear of offending by truth makes it circuitous and conventional.

The amount of hot girls who come to signings is incredible!