I don't do one show and wish I was doing something else.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

Do not ignore you gift. Your gift is the thing you do the absolute BEST with the LEAST amount of effort."~Steve Harvey

Debates should always move in the direction of understanding.

I don't even know what sound is, much less what it's for. It isn't to make money that's for sure. I've never made any.

Taxi drivers are the ones who pay me the most attention. They seem to be into River Cottage and have a dream of moving to the country, so I have chats with them.

Ask anyone committed to Marxist analysis how many angels on the head of a pin, and you will be asked in return to never mind the angels, tell me who controls the production of pins.

Regeneration expresses those supernatural, divine, new qualities imparted by the Spirit to the soul, which are the principle of all holy action.

What is done, is done: Spend not the time in tears, but seek for justice.

Many things between Heaven and Earth fill me with wonder; but of all of these, the least wondrous to me are the wonders of Religion.

Germany is an anatomical oddity: it writes with its left hand and acts with its right.

I hate guns, I think they're the worst thing ever invented.