I don't do too many jokes about current affairs, because almost every comedian always does that.

I wouldn't take nothin' but a Ford: F-O-R-D, period. Ain't nothin' like a Ford. I wouldn't drive a Chevrolet 'cause I can't spell it.

If you love love, then love loves you too

My comedy has no color, it's for everybody, black, white, Latino, Asian. It's not a pro-black show, not a def jam show; it's just straight, wholesome type of humor.

he [Llewelyn Powys] has always in mind the great touchstone Death & consequently life is always judged as how far it fits us, or compensates us, for ultimately dying.

I’d tell you not to swoon, but he’d catch you, so never mind.

When a man's willing and eager God joins in.

I don't like the sound of all the lists he's making.

Most people seem to think I'm the kind of guy who shaves with a blowtorch. Actually I'm bookish and worrisome.

Only strong personalities can endure history, the weak are extinguished by it.

Are you stupid or did you just take lessons?

There is what is called the highway to posts and honor, and there is a cross and by way, which is much the shortest.

The mind alone can not be exiled. [Lat., Mens sola loco non exulat.]

Good tuna-fish sandwiches; he’s the tallest man I’ve ever seen! (Pam)