I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Speak in French when you can’t think of the English for a thing--turn your toes out when you walk---And remember who you are!

Unfortunates, who ought to begin with God, do not have any hope in him till they have exhausted all other means of deliverance.

Of course. Silly me. Such a sad, exciting score, which no doubt you can play? So many accomplishments, Mr. Grey.”“And the greatest one is you, Miss Steele.

The absolute truth is unattainable, your current version of the truth is what you've managed to convince yourself or yet worst, what others have you

if you want to be understood ...Listen.

You have to try to push yourself to the limit. You can't worry about making a mistake. If you worry about it, you'll lose.

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.

When someone gives you offense, it doesn't mean you have to take it.

Globilization in its current form cannot deliver the benefits expected of it. Civil society, particularly in developing countries, must ensure that it does.

It's hard to change adults, and it's hard to change it from a political position or a perceived political position.