I don't feel qualified to talk about my work.

Tragedy is a close-up; comedy, a long shot.

A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.

Silence is of the gods; only monkeys chatter.

Charlie Chaplin and I would have a friendly contest: Who could do the feature film with the least subtitles?

Like everyone else, I like to be with a happy crowd.

They say pantomime's a lost art. It's never been a lost art and never will be, because it's too natural to do.

No man can be a genius in slapshoes and a flat hat.

All my life I have been happiest when the folks watching me said to each other, 'Look at the poor dope, wilya?

If one more person tells me this is just like old times, I swear I'll jump out the window.

And if there is sweeter music this side of heaven I haven't heard it.

Don't bow down to critics who have not themselves written great masterpieces.

I preach there are all kinds of truth, your truth and somebody else's. But behind all of them there is only one truth and that is that there's no truth.

Oh yeah, and Spader was hanging out with a penguin" -Bobby Pendragon

There's certainly nothing original about the observation that conscious experience poses a hard problem.

From what may anyone be saved? Only from themselves! That is, their individual hell. They dig it with their own desires.

In the lifetime of one person, we went from figuring out where we came from to figuring out how to get rid of ourselves.

Most people think of poise as calm, self-assured dignity; but I call it “just being you”.

Round-heads and Wooden-shoes are standing jokes.

When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away.

People will buy anything that is one to a customer.