I don't get controversial, I don't get political and I don't tell you what to do with your life. I just go out there and tell some stories, and people can relate.

I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight.

There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?

I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.

With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense?

When you go to Hawaii, it's all about "Aloha." It means hello, goodbye and I love you.

You live by the cake, you die by the cake.

I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.

Today's progress, was once yesterday's discussion. Speak aloud, see it through, and most importantly believe!

What is allowed us is disagreeable, what is denied us causes intense desire.

A lot of people died fighting tyranny. The least I can do is vote against it.

Some people are still going to want to eat meat. We do agree though that vegetarianism is a healthier diet.

A sports expert is the guy who writes the best alibis for being wrong

Force is the midwife of every old society pregnant with a new one.

She’s not for you, nor you for her; at least, not in the way you both want.

Peace and rest at length have come, All the day's long toil is past; And each heart is whispering, "Home, Home at last!"

I used to be a thing; I'm a person now.