I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress.

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.

The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white.

If poor people knew how rich rich people are, there would be riots in the streets.

True brothers are never blood-related. But born of the spirit.

The little estimate we put on prayer is evidence from the little time we give to it.

Life is made up of sobs sniffles and smiles with sniffles predominating.

The commercialism may wash off sometime later.

Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.

I shall know you, secrets by the litter you have left and by your bloody footprints.

A city is a place where there is no need to wait for next week to get the answer to a question, to taste the food of any country, to find new voices to listen to and familiar ones to listen to again.

A clock struck out the hour of twelve, and the bird in the hedgerow was still singing as we marched out to the roadway, and followed our merry pipers home to town.

You hear people say it all the time, how life changes so drastically. But you can't possibly grasp how beautiful that is until you have your child.

The audience should go out and see Shark Night 3D because you can bring your whole family.