I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Change takes time. It takes time for the seeds to begin growing within, time to understand and process, time for the growth to mature, and time for the old self to die and fall away.

12 Things To Ditch For A Great DayBlameGuiltWorryRegretResentmentEntitlementSelf-pityLazinessNegative attitudeFear of embarrassmentUrge to one-up othersYour comfort zone

Holy Spirit, take the Word of truth as we find it in the Scriptures and bring it home to our lives.

Gather the flowers, but spare the buds.

The rule in the art world is: you cater to the masses or you kowtow to the elite; you can't have both.

I just increasingly enjoy the quiet moments when I can be on my own with my friends and family, or with a book, having a live experience. That's really what I crave, and I always have done.

On the [Andrew] Puzder point, I do agree there has been a double standard.

It isn't the people you fire who make your life miserable, it's the people you don't.

Be the day never so long, Evermore at last they ring to evensong.

A mule will labor ten years willingly and patiently for you, for the privilege of kicking you once.