I don't go out of my way to be outrageous, I just go out of my way to look at things.

If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.

We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work - and then we retire. And what do they give us? A bloody clock.

Goodnight, thank you, and may your God go with you.

A good storyteller never lets the facts get in the way.

My church accepts all denominations - fivers, tenners, twenties.

Am I the Irish comedian with half a finger? No, I'm the Irish comedian with nine and a half fingers.

It's the behaviour of your company and its people that form your reputation, and your reputation is your brand

Philosophy starts when we question ourselves and search for meaning in our lives.

Neither the devil nor the world, nor even our own evil heart can compel us to sin. It must be by our own consent and will.

What was the point of spying if you couldn't keep it a secret?

Advice is one of those things it is far more blessed to give than to receive.

I'll never take for granted the opportunity to put on a Dodger uniform.

love is a deeper season than reason; my sweet one

The only difference between a cult and a religion is the amount of real estate they own.

I'm a menace to society, But girls in biker shorts are so fly to me. After the date, I'mma want to do the wild thing... You're talkin' lobster? I'm thinkin' Burger King.

Let's not talk so much about vice. I'm against vice in all forms.

How charming is divine philosophy! Not harsh and crabb