I don't hate anybody. My character is one thing, but me as an individual is completely different.

Blaming guns for killing people is like blaming pencils for bad spelling

Sometimes you've gotta wreck the truck to get the insurance money to make the payment on the truck.

I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!

You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper?

I'm on the diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That's a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver's license.

Every July, I look forward to taping a Christmas show - in July in Nashville. In 98-degree weather. I love it.

I ALWAYS HAVE DONE WELL HOWEVER IN BLUE STATES AND RED STATES. IVE NEVER REALLY ALIGNED MYSELF WITH ALL THAT RED STATE BLUE STATE DR. SUESS CRAP BECAUSE WERE ALL AMERICANS AND WE ALL LIKE TO LAUGH.

If you have confidence you have patience. Confidence, that is everything.

Oh dear sunday, I want to sleep in your arms and have fun day.

I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense.

Once I know who I'm not, then I'll know who I am.

Losers bring money into the market which is necessary for the prosperity of the trading industry.

Most pleasures are best as a seasoning, not the main course. p. 374

Cool is the emotional straightjacket. It makes us less available for connection which makes us less equipped for leadership roles.

We are but older children, dear, Who fret to find our bedtime near.

The world we knew as children is still buried within our minds. Our childlike self is the deepest level of our being. It is who we really are, and what is real doesn't go away.