I don't have a Bluetooth thing on my ear. That bugs me.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

Sometimes only when opportunity stops banging to be let in do we notice its absence!

What an excellent great soul you are?

Breathing seemed harder in the cemetery, and selfish, somehow...

For a being more advanced than I am, he sure has a hard time answering a simple question

My brother and I are always trying to figure out a way to work again together.

The only means of establishing and perpetuating our republican forms of government is the universal education of our youth in the principles of Christianity by means of the Bible.

The use of the internet, the use of Twitter, the way protest movements developed...This is a different world.

As Lao Tzu says, "The Tao that can be named is not the true Tao".

I really do believe that art changes the landscape of the world.