I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

Mirth is better than fun and happiness is better than mirth.

Man's ultimate destiny is to become one with the Divine Power which governs and sustains the creation and its creatures.

You have to fight, you have to have courage for what you really want

Cosmoe is nearing the stage where I would feel comfortable doing a preliminary release aimed at developers.

The taming and domestication of religion is one of the unceasing chores of civilization.

Curiosity is one of the lowest of the human faculties. You will have noticed in daily life that when people are inquisitive they nearly always have bad memories and are usually stupid at bottom.

Tao invariably takes no action, and yet there is nothing left undone.

If the Great Commission is true, our plans are not too big; they are too small.

Only when I focus on the holiness and glory of God am I able to see myself with accuracy.

Peace is worth more than all worldly possessions; in addition, God rewards it even in this life.