I don't have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

He shortly found himself arrived at politics

Grasp the simplicity and power of no excuses and you have guaranteed success.

To want to understand is an attempt to recapture something we have lost.

There is only one prospect worse than being chained to an intolerable existence: The nightmare of a botched attempt to end it.

A fool hath no dialogue within himself, the first thought carrieth him without the reply of a second.

O woman, born first to believe us; Yea, also born first to forget; Born first to betray and deceive us, Yet first to repent and regret.

As far as bands doing that in a way where they think they're going to fight the government, the only people they're really hurting is the fans.

You cover 50 yards on the playing field of faith with a story that downplays your success. You cover 3 yards, or you may even end up backward, with anything that up-plays or promotes you.

If you don't like what you see, stop looking.

Tears are the noble language of the eye.