I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

I don't speak French, but I took it for five years growing up. So, if I were in a situation where I had to be, like, 'Excuse me, pineapple dog house red, what time is it library?' - no problem.

If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.

A lot of people think that kids say the darnedest things. But so would you if you had no education. You'd just be like, I am bike cheese. Because you wouldn't know what words were.

What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.

What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.

Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.

Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?

If things are really overwhelming and you need to talk, you can give me a call at 347-273-2044.

In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.

Is the square root of hate the same thing as love times love?

Sick of lame ducks, use Cosmic Ordering and your ducks will lay golden eggs.

The best way to protect something is to set it free.

Love is like any other luxury. You have no right to it unless you can afford it.

There are few things more powerful than the faithful prayers of a righteous mother.

Feedback is a pleasant thing. I get a lot of letters from unexpected people in unexpected places.

I hate to create cynicism about politicians. We just need to invade. Regular people need to run for office and keep their balls and ovaries intact.

Then you must be willing to fight," Mircea responded. "Life is not a gift, Raphael; it's a challenge. Rise to it!

I'll tell you, there were only a few games in my career where I was totally oblivious to everything around me, where I was in the zone.

Don't eat anything incapable of rotting.

As man seeks justice in equality, so society seeks order in anarchy.