I don't have anything against this Jesus guy, but has he written, directed, and starred in his own movie?

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

He might as well plant an oak in a flowerpot, and expect it to thrive, as imagine he can restore her to vigour in the soil of his shallow cares!

If the sky falls, there'll be a bigger sky behind it.

A force engaged is out of the hand of its commander.

Death is not rare, alas! nor burials few, And soon the grassy coverlet of God Spreads equal green above their ashes pale.

That which is so universal as death must be a benefit.

I like to stay busy, I like to stay focused, and I like to stay creative. Without being creative I'd be dead.

I have always loved the Summer Olympics.

It's so exciting to be doing radio on the cutting edge of technology. Being in on something new is the biggest thrill in the world.

To succeed at re-engineering, you have to be a missionary, a motivator, and a leg breaker.

I have a living will and I have friends, and I have money and I have hope.