I don't have the ability to do a nine-to-five nor do I have the desire to. Stand-up is the only thing that's come completely naturally to me.

If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks.

Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.

If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.

What bothers me most about today is that we're getting used 2 it. ENOUGH. 2nd amendment must go. Violence has 2 stop. Culture MUST change.

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.

When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.

I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.

If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick.

I miss third grade because you could kill people in dodgeball. Remember the rules to dodgeball? If you're fat or have glasses, don't show up because you'll die.

Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?

Adversities are the best teacher and challenges are the best motivator.

Church is not meant to be fun. It's meant to be formative.

Don't make a bridge which divides you with everyone by your own assumptions ....."As distance always doesn't ensure solutions

It was only when I rounded a bend and glimpsed the white peaks ahead that I doubled my abilities, only when I thought how far i had yet to go that i lost faith that I would get there

Just as the bee takes the nectar and leaves without damaging the color or scent of the flowers, so should the sage act in a village.

There are a lot of leg strains on the inside of the legs. There's a lot of pressure on your legs and knees. Shoulders are another big thing. We play a physical sport and those are the areas that go.

I've done lots of pieces on self-esteem and hair. There's a desire to conform, but if the encouragement to be yourself is there from loved ones, you'll find that later, that true self will come out.

The artist's business is to feel, although he may think a little sometimes... when he has nothing better to do.

If alcohol is queen, then tobacco is her consort. It's a fond companion for all occasions, a loyal friend through fair weather and foul.

Even when conservatives have all the marbles, they still act as if they're under siege. Now that they are under siege, it is no time for them to act as if they're losing their marbles.