I don't have to kill myself, time is going to do that.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

I don't like a kind of workshop that is about editing--I don't want to sit there and be an editor. I don't want to tell someone how to "fix" a poem.

When things don't change, their sameness becomes an accretion. That is why all society puts on flesh. Succumbs to the cubicles and begins to fill them.

Your magic is unbalanced without the soul-meld

Hearts know nothing of time-not age or length of acquaintance. They know only what they need.

Life is an experience and this experience is to gain a life

The trouble with life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an awful hurry.

I'd love to develop and star in my own children's show, write children's books, do children's albums, movies, DVDs, etc.

Niall Quinn is a creep. The man's an idiot, a Mother Theresa.

We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years.

There's always some generational-guys-hanging-out movie that is made every few years, I think, and some of them are great.