I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart.

Your personal growth is the only thing that matters. You own and write your story

A bull doesn’t go wrong in predicting an upswing in a falling market. He goes wrong when he predicts a down swing in a rising market.

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.

People in this country haven't stopped hating fat people, but they've become more kind to me, since in our culture, even though we hate our fat people, we love our celebrities even more.

I guess in life I find people who, at first glance, appear to be very typical or average, whatever that means, and then turn out to have hidden qualities.

I'm running against a woman who's got David Axelrod and Rahm Emanuel running her campaign.

As to the adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.

Learning is a process where knowledge is presented to us, then shaped through understanding, discussion and reflection.

To love someone in the spiritual sense is not based on how I want to love you; its based on what you want.