I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

When you reject knowledge, God rejects you.

None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free

Less gossiping, more encouraging.Less complaining, more thanksgiving.Less criticizing, more complimenting.Less hurting, more helping.Less hating, more caring.

I condemn the lack of proper investigation of the massacres and the impunity of those responsible for them.

Develop an 'attitude of gratitude.' Say thank you to everyone you meet for everything they do for you

I used to believe that anything was better than nothing. Now I know that sometimes nothing is better.

We are not naïve enough to ask for pure men; we ask merely for men whose impurity does not conflict with the obligations of their job.

Whether its Veep or Homeland or The West Wing - which is a more idealised version of democracy - people are fascinated by politics.

For me, the most important thing is to continue to play well and to be a positive figure and hopefully a role model for kids as well.

sooner or later I do what I want to do.